Keep Cool, A Flash of Light, A Tale of Kings & Queens and Victory, Coming Home

Managing Anger and Solving Problems

In institute this week we discussed strategies for managing anger.   Before you turn aside from this paragraph because you are not one that expresses anger and therefore think this does not apply to you-- think again.  Just because you do not express anger, does not mean that you occasionally do not feel it and hold it within.  This is what we discovered about ourselves.  

The foundational principle for the managing anger module is 'solving problems'.  Often anger results from a deeper underlying situation that we are dealing with, so it is important to get to the root cause of what is causing anger to emerge and ensure that we work on solving the underlying problem. 

When we allow ourselves to dwell on angry thoughts, our body also reacts. Physical reactions in the body increase our “emotional temperature level.” Certain behaviors can intensify our anger, so learning skills that help us “cool down” is an important part of managing anger as well as being aware of behaviors that "heat" anger.  

To manage our anger, we need to identify the different emotions underlying it. It’s often easier to be angry than to deal with our real, underlying feelings. Underlying emotions and experiences that can result in us feeling angry can include:  disappointment, guilt, fear, hunger, fatigue, grief, rejection, victimization, unmet expectations, feeling inferior,  resentment, heartbreak, feeling ashamed, nervousness, loneliness, and frustration-- to name a few. 

In addition to recognizing our anger, behaviors that heat or cool it, and seeking to understand the true cause of our anger-- the ultimate salve for this emotion will be turning to our Father in prayer and seeking the Savior's grace.  The question we spent the most time on in class was:  How are we blessed as we turn to the Savior to manage anger? 

Living in unity with Jesus Christ can help us feel peace instead of anger. The “mighty change” of heart that comes from being unified with Jesus Christ can help us to want to forgive others, “do good continually”, and “wait upon the Lord”. The Holy Ghost will fill us with “love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance."

A Flash of Light

A friend in our ward here shared a new discovery with us.  Researchers at Northwestern University have been able to show a "flash of light" occurs at human conception-- for us a physical phenomena that illuminates a spiritual truth. The truth that we come to Earth with the 'Light of Christ' within us, a conscience, an ability to discern right from wrong.  This discovery casts 'new light' on the first few verses of the gospel of John: 

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

2 The same was in the beginning with God.

3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.

4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men.

5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.

9 ... the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.

The hand of Jesus Christ, the Creator, is manifest throughout His creations.  For this we are so very grateful to have the privilege of discovering His hand in our lives and in this world. 

Kynren

This last week we were able to attend "Kynren, An Epic Tale of England" --an outdoor live show.  It tells the story of England with pyrotechnics, live animals, on a water-based stage, sprawling lawns with a castle backdrop on a moonlit evening.  We attended with a young adult couple in our institute class, he a convert of 5 years and she a returned missionary from Moldova. It was a delightful evening and a great education.

The Claysons are Home!

We had a delightful opportunity to view the Sacrament meeting proceedings which included the homecoming talks of Donna and Gaylen Clayson, who just completed their mission in Atlanta, Georgia.  Sometimes you meet people in the MTC which you feel a special connection to-- these included the Claysons for us.  Sister Clayson spoke of the wonderful experiences she had feeding and loving the new converts in Atlanta.  She said, "The church is true, the book is blue and God loves you" -- a great summary of her devotion.  Elder Clayson spoke about how we cannot give more than we receive and that it is a blessing to give because we always receive more-- we are always in debt to our Father in Heaven.  He has seen the Spirit of God teach his friends things he did not say-- they each learned separately and uniquely through the Spirit as they were taught by him or the missionaries.  He also spoke of the time they were in the baptistery of the Atlanta temple doing confirmations and he felt a prompting to stop and instruct those in the room that the people receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost that day were receiving a special gift that would enable them to progress and learn more rapidly.  He also said that following Jesus Christ is the only way to get back to our Heavenly Father's presence-- there is a lot of other plans out there but the Savior's plan is the only one that will bring us back to the Father. 

Trials Underway, Watch out Cricket, Flying Saucers, T&T, Sister Holland's Influence

Trials are part of the Plan

We were reminded this week of the beautiful plan we are living.  Yes, we all have trials, but when you put them in perspective you begin to appreciate more what you learn from them.   In the moment of the trial it is difficult to show any appreciation for it, but we can at least acknowledge they are part of the plan for our growth and development and we can be grateful for the plan.  We ought to ask ourselves as we encounter these challenges-- "What am I to learn from this?"  Michelle D. Craig, 1st Counselor in the YW general presidency said:

"When hard times come, I try to remember that I chose to follow Christ before I came to earth and that challenges to my faith, my health and my endurance are all part of the reason I'm here. ...Trials do not mean that the plan is failing; they are part of the plan meant to help me seek God."

Party Time

This last week we chose to have an institute class party instead of a lesson.  It was a well-received break for all.  In Ashington we played 9-square and Cricket and in Gateshead we plaid 9-square and disc golf.  Sister Betteridge's pasta salad was excellent!

 

Sauria and Thomas love coming to institute -- they are both seeking asylum in the UK from political unrest in their countries.  Both are being taught about Jesus Christ.  When Sauria learned that he was a child of God, he paused and thought about it and then joyfully exclaimed, "I am a child of God!"  He had never been taught this before and it was the most profound revelation to him.

 

Ben joined the church 7 months ago and is planning to serve a mission in January.  He is an amazing example of someone who has changed his life and is following the Savior.  He loves our institute classes. 

Transfer Day

On Friday we helped transport sister missionaries to their new areas.  Not everyone gets a new area, but every 6 weeks or so the mission leaders for our mission, David and Jayne Clare, seek revelation on where each of the Elders and Sisters should serve for the next 6 weeks.  We took Sister McCommus and Sister Frampton from North Shields down to Leeds (2 hour drive) and then went to the mission home in Leeds, taking Sister Hilton there with us where we had chinese take-out for dinner with the Clares and two new missionaries fresh from the states, Elder Clay and Sister Ashton (who knows the Wheelocks in Puyallup).   The Assistants and the Office Elders also joined us.  We then took Sister Hilton and Sister Ashton back to Newcastle with us.  We arrived home about 9:30 pm. 

While we were at the Clares' home we enjoyed the postings on their refrigerator.  

The Temple Trip

Saturday we hopped in the car and went to the temple in Preston (3 hour drive) for our Young Adult temple trip.  It was an awesome time, several of the brethren were first time baptizers and confirmers.  We enjoyed fish and chips on the way home. Visiting the temple is always an uplifting experience and an opportunity to slow down and enjoy the Spirit of the Lord in His house. 

Sister Holland

We were saddened to hear of Sister Hollands passing this week.  The Hollands are some of our favorite leaders in the church.  As we reviewed her life and some of her talks we wanted to highlight one of our favorite quotes she shared. 

 

At a worldwide devotional for young adults earlier this year — broadcast from her native St. George, Utah —  Sister Holland offered young adults a simple approach to the religious life: “Please have faith in God, hope that He will help you, and receive the charity that enables Him to work through you to accomplish what only you can do.”

“You can’t get these blessings by chasing them,” she concluded. “Please stop running to the point of exhaustion. Be quiet. Be still. Simplify. Be meek and lowly of heart and pray. I testify that miracles will come when we slow down, when we calm down and when we kneel down. All that the Father has can one day be yours. What a truly hopeful way to face your future.”

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and his wife Sister Patricia Holland toured the Benbow family farm in Castle Frome, England on Thursday, Oct. 28, 2021. Elder Holland’s 4th great-grand parents owned the farm and converted to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1840 through Wilford Woodruff.

Sad Story, Belsay, On the Mount, Why Believe, Time for You to Leave, The Tree

 Life Balance Key to Keeping Sadness and Depression in Check 

This week we shared the principles of living a balanced life as a foundational principle to keeping sadness and depression at 'normal' levels.  Most of us will experience or encounter sadness and depression in ourselves or others.  To help prevent debilitating levels of these emotions, we are advised to review our life balance.   When we have good life balance, we are more likely to be able to cope with disappointments, unmet expectations and severe emotions that can derail us from moving forward in life in a normal way.  President Russel M. Ballard said:

“Just do the very best you can each day. Do the basic things and, before you realize it, your life will be full of spiritual understanding that will confirm to you that your Heavenly Father loves you. When a person knows this, then life will be full of purpose and meaning, making balance easier to maintain."

We love this scripture from the Book of Mormon:

“See that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength..." (Mosiah 4:27).

We also need to recognize that there may be physiological and psychological factors in our makeup that can make it difficult to live a balanced life and can contribute to an emotional condition of sadness and depression.  Professionals can help us identify these factors and how to cope with these conditions.

Normal sadness and depression can come through difficulties resulting from rejection, interpersonal relationships, disappointments and other pains.  We need to recognize that this is a normal part of life and our growth.  Bruce C. Hafen taught that Heavenly Father allows us to have painful experiences in our lives so we can ultimately experience joy more fully. However, our level of sadness and depression can get out of wack and lead us to a place where professional help is essential.  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland discussed the difference between normal sadness/ depression and major depressive disorder: 

“When I speak of this, I am not speaking of bad hair days, tax deadlines, or other discouraging moments we all have. Everyone is going to be anxious or downhearted on occasion. … I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully.” 

Major depressive disorder is characterized by the presence of three or more of the following symptoms that continue over a period of time and limit one's ability to function or are difficult to escape despite personal and family efforts.  These symptoms include:  constantly feeling sad, helpless or worthless; little energy or motivation; change in appetite and weight loss or gain; trouble falling asleep, staying asleep or waking up; loss of interest in activities that used to be enjoyable; difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions; and thoughts about death or suicide.  See suicide.ChurchofJesusChrist.org or mentalhealth.ChurchofJesusChrist.org for help lines and resources.

Being together as an institute group has helped us to feel love and camaraderie that boost our ability to cope with life's challenges. We need each other more than we think. And of course, feeling the love of Heavenly Father and His Son, can always brighten our days.

Belsay Castle and Gardens

We had a delightful visit to Belsay castle and gardens, a spot we have previously written about.  Visiting these beautiful places lifts our spirits and helps us cope with the rigor and challenges of missionary life. 

District Council Brunch

This last week we hosted the district council brunch at our flat.  We have a wonderful district.  From left to right after Sister Betteridge we have Sister Dorning (Redwood, Oregon), Sister Hilton (Orem, Utah) , Elder Pentz (Morgan, Utah), Elder Trotta (Northern Italy), Elder Bedwell (Atlanta, Georgia) and Elder Magnesen (Santa Clara, Utah).

Preston Temple Trip w/ Newcastle Ward

We rode on the bus on Saturday to attend the temple with the Newcastle ward.  Parsa and Harriet were first time attenders.  Parsa is a new convert from Iran-- He said it was his best day ever.  He was baptized for several people and also baptized Elder Bedwell.  We enjoyed seeing Ryes Elson, a Priest, baptize his three sisters.  Such a tender time for him as he was so gentle and loving with each of them.

Why I believe Fireside

Sunday evening we had another "Why I Believe" musical program at the Billingham stake center.  Sister Betteridge accompanied 7 of the 'musical items' on the program.  Connor Duncunson, the Branch President of Peterlee branch and a 4th year law student conducted the choir.  Many of the numbers were his arrangements.  He is a wonderful, talented young adult!  (Elder B was in the choir).  Every time we sing about the Savior and hear testimonies of how He has changed the lives of individuals, it is a joyful, tearful celebration.  We know He lives and loves each one of us!

Big Transfer - Sending 17 Missionaries Home

It is such a touching time as we have a major exodus this week in our mission.  We are sending 17 missionaries home after completing their missions.  It is another tearful yet joyful time.  One of the missionaries going home shared with us the following card with the inscription, "If I don't see you on the path, I will meet you at the Tree."  So let it be for you and me...

Stressed Out, Heard a Big Boom, Rare Osolodor Found, New Leash on Life, Humorous Revelation

Stress & Anxiety

This week in institute class we talked about stress and anxiety.  We all have it to one degree or another.  Some amount of stress and anxiety is healthy and helps us move forward in our jobs and callings.  The key is  learning to recognize when it is unhealthy.  Feeling stress and anxiety too often or for too long can cause significant problems and lead to mental illness. If you are dealing with too much stress and anxiety, you might get sick often, have headaches, feel angry, have drastic changes in your appetite, or experience a lack of focus. 

Stress and anxiety can also impact your ability to feel the Spirit or distort your understanding of spiritual promptings. Sister Reyna I. Aburto said, “If we are constantly sad and if our pain blocks our ability to feel the love of our Heavenly Father ... and the influence of the Holy Ghost, then we may be suffering from depression, anxiety, or another emotional condition.”

The foundational principle to help us manage stress & anxiety is to manage time wisely. We do this by prayerfully prioritizing the needed tasks for each day, and remembering to focus on becoming more like Christ, worrying less about checking off long "to do" lists.

If you feel you are feeling an unhealthy level of stress or anxiety check out the coping tips under section 4 of the Self Reliance Emotional Resilience Manual.  (Nature helps me cope said Elder Betteridge). 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/emotional-resilience-for-self-reliance?lang=eng 

Elder & Sister Boom (North European Area President) Visit our Mission

Elder and Sister Boom are from the Netherlands.  (The pronunciation of their last name is "Bome", like home, not Boom like a Bomb going off).  But their message was like a bomb going off for us!  

They met with us in the mission home Tuesday night-- 12 senior missionaries in the Leeds mission.  Elder Boom talked about the importance of the European saints staying in Europe to sustain the growth of the church.  Many of the leaders in the UK are young; Bishops under 30 years old,  Stake Presidents around 40 years old.  We need our European brothers and sisters to build Zion here in their native lands.  So he encouraged the senior missionaries to support the 'stay in country' strategy as we interact with these wonderful saints here. 

The early saints of England, immigrated to the United States which saved the church, now we need to help them save the church in Europe so that it flourishes and grows. This message has adjusted our strategy with the Young Adults, to invite them to help with the teaching of the institute lessons, helping them develop their leadership skills. 

The Booms with our mission leaders, President and Sister Clare, taught the missionaries for two days, with half the mission meeting with them on Wednesday and then the other half on Thursday.  The wonderful experience went from 9:30 am to 3:30 pm each day.  We were in the Thursday group and had the responsibility to organize the lunch for the group of 70-80 missionaries.  We prepared 135 home-made chicken salad croissant sandwiches! 

Sister Boom taught us about finding Christ in the world around us.  We loved this message and so have been praying everyday to have our eyes opened to finding symbols and examples of the Savior around us, and have committed to recording in our journals each night what we learned during the day about the Savior.  As some of you may recall, President Eyring in 2007 taught us to ask ourselves the question at the end of each day 'how have we seen the Hand of the Lord in our lives that day?' and then to record what we observed in our journals so our posterity can know how we remembered and experienced the Savior in our lives.  

Kelvin Osolodor and daughter Victoria baptized

Kelvin's family is from Nigeria.  He is a unique, beautiful Osolodor.  His wife was a member of the church when they married and had drifted away from the church for a time, but upon moving here to England Kelvin's wife reached out to the missionaries to be taught and receive more light in her life.  The missionaries visited them and began to teach them, and invited the whole family to join in the experience,  so Kelvin, her husband, and their teen-aged daughter, Victoria, joined in learning about Jesus Christ and His restored Gospel.  They decided to follow the Savior and be baptized.  The two young boys are not quite old enough yet.  They are now looking forward to attending the temple as a family and being sealed for time and eternity.  Victoria is hoping to serve a mission.  It is such a beautiful experience to see a family united in the cause of Christ.  

Elders Lindfors (from Sweden) and Elder Fong (from California)

Visiting South Shields Ward

We had the wonderful opportunity to visit the South Shields ward in our stake and share a message in Sacrament meeting.  This is the town that houses St. Hilda's church where Elder Betteridge's great great grandparents were married in 1840.  Sister Betteridge shared a message of choosing Christ in our lives and Elder Betteridge shared a message of finding Christ each day as Sister Boom had invited us to do:

Jeremiah 29:13 “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”

On Saturday morning, we went about our morning exercise routine, Elder Betteridge jogging and Sister Betteridge walking-- we had an amazing experience as we began to see symbols of the Savior around us, it filled our hearts with joy and gratitude for the blessings He has bestowed upon us. Here are a few of our experiences:

1. I passed a mother and daughter walking on the path.  The daughter was clearly in the image of the mother, the daughter was leading a young dog on a leash as they walked.  This reminded me of the fact that the Savior is in the image of the Father and does nothing save what He sees the Father do.  The Savior leads us along  connected by covenants we have made with the Father. (Certainly this has given Elder B a new 'leash' on life).
2. I came across a beautiful vista of the waterfall in the Jesmond Dene park and the water flowing over the falls and down the river continuously, never stopping, reminded me of the Savior and His Atonement and the ever flowing power that is available to us if we draw upon His 'living water.'
3. I apparently was running on the 'ParkRun' path before a run was about to start, I passed a woman in a safety vest at the fork in the path placed there to direct people the way to run, I said,  "you are doing a great job."  She said, "I’m not doing anything yet."  I thought to myself of the many good people around us who live in such way that they are a great example of following the Savior.  Just being good and standing there on the Rock is an inspiration to me.   I also thought of the many leaders in His Church who stand at the crossroads of life and point the way for us to go.
4. As I came to the end of my run down the shady lane of Jesmond Park road, with massive, mature oak trees on each side of the lane.  I said to myself these are like the prophets of old or our faithful ancestors of the past, shading our way and providing guardianship for our trip home to our Father and the Son. 

Sister Betteridge added the following observations on her walk:

1. I passed by a secondary school where parents were engaged in watching their children during 'field day' activities.  This reminded me of Heavenly Parents and Christ cheering us on in what we are doing on our mission. 
2. There was a gentle cool breeze that ruffled flowers and hedges along my walk.  This reminded me that Christ knows when I need a warm breeze or a cool breeze and tailors the help He provides to me according to my specific situation and circumstances.
3. I observed a duck in the pond we passed.  He was reaching deeply in the pond upside down into the water.  This reminded me that I need to venture into unknown waters to drink deeply the blessings that can only come from experience and new challenges.   

Humor and Revelation

Elder Richard G. Scott said:  "A good sense of humor helps revelation ... A sense of humor is an escape valve for the pressures of life."  So, keep smiling and learn to laugh at yourself! 

Body Connected, Kids teach Institute, Cowboy Wisdom, Toby and Tony, Wet Yet Light

 Our Bodies and Emotions

This week in our institute class we talked about the connection between our bodies and emotions. A healthy body is important to being emotionally resilient. As we take better care of our physical health our emotional health will also improve and vice versa. 

Our bodies are a gift from God and as the Apostle Paul taught should be treated like a 'temple' which houses our spirit;  "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you..." (1 Corinthians 3:16)

President Russell M. Nelson said, "Your body is the temple for your spirit and how you use your body affects your spirit.  God is the father of our spirit.  We are part of His divine purpose.  And when he created us physically, we were created in the image of God.  Development of the spirit is of eternal consequence.  When we truly know our divine nature, then we will control our appetites.  We will focus our eyes on sights, our ears on sounds, and our minds on thoughts that are a credit to our physical creation as a temple of our Father in Heaven... For these physical gifts, thanks be to God."

Regular exercise can greatly benefit our emotional health.  Physical activity stimulates your brain and releases chemicals that help with your emotions and ability to see situations clearly.  Taking time to be active can leave you feeling happier, more relaxed and less anxious.  Physical activity can also be an opportunity to use your body and connect with family and friends in a fun, social setting.  

The need for sleep and rest is often forgotten.  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "Fatigue is the common enemy of us all-- so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill.  Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill" -- Quality sleep can help protect your mental health, physical health, quality of life, and safety.  When you're tired, you might find it hard to make decisions, solve problems, control emotions and behavior, and handle change.

We are eternally grateful for our bodies and our spirits.  As imperfect as we may be in this mortal existence, in the future we are all promised a perfect resurrected body through the grace of our Savior's Atonement, a tangible body free from death and illness.  We expect our future resurrected body to be the best version of our current physical selves. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we are also granted the grace needed to overcome spiritual difficulties as well as physical challenges in this life.  While we are graciously granted these days in mortality, let us develop our spirits to be a glorious version of who we really are, uniquely gifted, distinct children of our loving Heavenly Father.

Max, Hazel and Tessa (under the age of 6)  teach our institute lesson

This last week we featured pictures of our family in different settings as we taught these principles of physical and emotional health.  We wish we could share all the pictures here of our children / grandchildren but we will just show three that were helpful in illustrating our messages.  We had a picture of Hazel instructing her grandma and grandpa and a picture of Max expressing emotion after unsuccessfully trying to prepare a bag of microwave popcorn and a picture of Tessa getting needed rest. 

Cowboy Wisdom

In district council this week we shared with each other our 'whys' for serving a mission.  Mission service is a difficult yet rewarding experience, so it is helpful to be reminded and stay focused on our 'why' for serving.  We are in a district of 8;  4 young Elders, 2 young Sisters and then us.  We meet weekly to instruct and edify each other. One of the Elders in our district, Karter Pentz, is from Morgan, Utah.  Before his mission he was homeless for a short time and then went to work as a cowboy and eventually decided to serve a mission at age 25.  We are grateful for his wisdom as a young adult cowboy.  Here is some cowboy wisdom he shared.  

Your horse is an essential companion as a cowboy.  He spoke of teaching a new horse to learn to pull in a yoke by yoking him with a more experienced horse.  This would calm the young horse, and keep him from wanting to run away and help him to learn to pull productively, in unison.  Who would all you wild horses like to be yoked with?    

Toby and Tony

This last week we met Elder Betteridge's newly discovered Newcastle cousin, Tony Brown, at Toby Carvery's.  This is a restaurant chain in England; one serving of meat (your choice) and all you can eat vegetables.  It was a delightful meal and we have a followup with him to explain why family history is important to us. 

What is Wet and Light all Over?

The first hydro-electrically powered home in the world-- Cragside.  

William Armstrong was a visionary victorian inventor and his wife Margaret was a keen gardner.  They married in 1835.  They created an amazing estate called Cragside in the late 1800's (1869-1895) complete with a hydraulically powered elevator, running water and electric lights.  Originally a modest fishing lodge, they transformed Cragside into a fantasy castle of luxury and convenience. 

William Armstrong is one of Britain's least celebrated geniuses.   He was a visionary inventor, engineer and business man.  In his heyday right here in Newcastle he employed 25,000 people manufacturing hydraulic cranes, ships and armaments.   Their passions of engineering and natural science are reflected across the Cragside estate, which we visited on Saturday.