Incorrect Thinking, New Ways, We Saw Giants, Come on In, Sad News

 Emotional Resilience - Incorrect Thinking Patterns

The foundational principle in our emotional resilience lesson this last week was "Our Divine Identity and Purpose".  When we don't have the correct understanding of our true identity,  we can more easily slip into inaccurate thinking patterns. Here is one of our favorite quotes from the lesson material: 

 

“Be careful how you characterize yourself. Don’t characterize or define yourself by some temporary quality. The only single quality that should characterize us is that we are a son or daughter of God. That fact transcends all other characteristics, including race, occupation, physical characteristics, honors, or even religious affiliation” (Dallin H. Oaks, “How to Define Yourself,” New Era, June 2013, 48).

We might frequently find ourselves focusing our thoughts on what is wrong or negative. Inaccurate thinking patterns may lead us to see the worst possible outcomes to a situation. These distorted thoughts cause us to feel bad about ourselves and others. We all experience negative thoughts, but sometimes we get stuck in them and don’t see the inaccurate thinking pattern and how it is hurting our emotional health.

Here are some common inaccurate thinking patterns:  

    All or Nothing - Seeing something or someone as all good or all bad.

    Mislabeling - Taking something that happened and making broad or incorrect statements.

    Jumping to Conclusions - Interpreting others' thoughts or assuming the worst possible outcome.

    Personalizing - Blaming yourself or someone else for a situation that in reality involved many factors.

    Emotional Reasoning - Judging a situation based on how you feel.

    Overgeneralization -  Applying one experience and generalizing it to all experiences. 

    Negative Mental Filter - Focusing on a negative detail and dwelling on it. 

    Discounting the Positive - Rejecting all positive experiences because you don't feel like they count.

    Magnification - Exaggerating your weaknesses or comparing them to others' strengths. 

    Should Statements - Telling yourself how things should or should not be.

 

While thinking errors bind us and limit our happiness and ability to grow, challenging those thinking errors and replacing them with more accurate thoughts will “make [us] free” (John 8:32).  So if you are feeling badly about a situation, do some introspection and see if you can identify an incorrect thinking pattern and try to replace it with more correct thinking.

A New Edition of  'Preach My Gospel'  

The church announced this last week a new edition of the Preach My Gospel reference material.  We love this new image of the Plan of Salvation diagram:

In the announcement of this updated resource, President Oaks said "The primary objective in preaching the restored gospel of Jesus Christ today should be to [bring] people to Christ.  Today, as fewer and fewer citizens and even Christians understand the great mission of our Lord Jesus Christ, the theme of Jesus Christ needs to dominate our teaching." In a letter from the First Presidency, we read the purpose of this updated resource is "to inspire and help members and missionaries to invite and help others to come unto Christ and be gathered to Him."

Visiting the Giants

As we visited the Robsons (our new friends in Inchture, Scotland) this last week we were greeted by some giants.  Apparently, Patrick Matthew of Gowrie, Scotland received some giant Redwood seeds in 1853 from his gold panning sons in California. These seeds were planted in the Carse of Gowrie and it is thought that this is the first place in the world that these mammoth Redwood trees were planted outside their natural habitat of California.   These great trees can symbolize the great patriarchs of our past, like Moses and Abraham, even Jesus Christ, who have taught us wonderful truths-- when these truths are planted in our hearts as the seeds from these trees, and we appropriately nurture them, we can partake of the fruit therefrom.  Good seeds produce good trees and good fruit-- and can feed us spiritually for life and eternity.

Open House

We opened the church up for tours and were delighted to have 7 friends visit us with the desire to be taught the truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Our Newcastle contingency of Elders and Sisters were delighted with the results.  

Sad News

Well, the sad news is that we have totally enjoyed the English meat and potatoes meals as well as breads, pastries and custard!   So much so that we are going to bring it home with us! Not!  The enjoyment of the food has caused significant weight gain!  We are committed to change this so we don't have to buy a whole new wardrobe.  We are going public with this information so we can hold ourselves more accountable. 

Rubber Emotions, Quackers, Hidden Cousin, A New Church

Emotional Resilience

Last week we began teaching the principles from the Emotional Resilience Self Reliance manual.  Having worked in the rubber industry prior to our mission, resilience has another meaning to Elder Betteridge.  As an elastomer, a functional property of rubber is that it is resilient, in other words it bounces back to its resting state when stressed (e.g. pulled or compressed).  Sometimes our lives get stressed which produces an emotional response in us.  Practicing principles of emotional resilience helps us to recover from the stresses of our life.  This self reliance module teaches us how to cope and respond to these stresses in our lives and the emotional state that results.  One of our favorite quotes this week was from our prophet, President Russell M. Nelson: 

“We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year!  My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.  When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation … and Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives. Joy comes from and because of Him. He is the source of all joy”.

The foundational principle of emotional resilience is exercising faith in Jesus Christ. Our ability to cope with our emotions comes from the power we can receive from the Savior's atoning sacrifice, which can only be accessed by believing in Him and what He has done for us.  

What we learned Thursday morning at Freeman's Park

We will often go on a walk / run around Freeman's park adjacent Jesmond Dene by our flat.  Along this path is the pond that the model boaters use.  We remembered seeing several people feeding the ducks on this pond.  Since we had some extra bread, we brought it along to feed the ducks.  Have you ever fed ducks? --throw a couple crumbs upon the water at a few ducks and the word gets out fast and then a veritable flock descends upon you in a matter of seconds.  It was truly a joyful moment to feed them these small nuggets of bread and to see their enthusiasm as they received it. 

Now there are several ways you can take this story from here.  Here are some thoughts...  Do we receive manna from our Heavenly Father as eagerly as these feathered friends received the bread from us?  Do you think that Heavenly Father has immense joy when we receive His doctrine and covenants ?

We continued on our walk and were then greeted with the most amazing view of a water fall in the garden dene below us.  Receiving the living water from our Heavenly Father was the first thing that came to our minds-- it is bountiful and ever flowing to nourish and heal us. Let us receive eagerly and enthusiastically the beautiful blessings of the Savior's Atonement in our lives. 

A Cousin Miracle

Two weeks ago in our blog post "Inspired Discovery", we mentioned discovering one of Elder Betteridge's third cousins that lives right here in Newcastle.  Well, we finally met him in person!  His name is Tony Brown, born a Coulson.  Through situations in his family he was raised by a man who had married his mother (after she divorced his birth father by last name of Coulson) and his mother and he then took on the Brown name.  When he was 16 years old his parents told him that he was not a Brown by birth, but really a Coulson.  This inspired within him a desire to learn about his birth father and his paternal ancestors which led him to registering with FamilySearch.org, which then triggered an email to me and my reaching out to him.  I had known that 3 of my great granduncles had settled in the Newcastle area and had been praying some way to connect with them.  As you can see these prayers were answered!  

Tony had spent a good part of his life working on oil rigs in the North Sea and has one son and two granddaughters.  It was fun to have him show us pictures of his family and see the love he has for his posterity.  We know not everyone has family around them but when we discover these living connections given to us by our ancestors-- it really is a joyful reunion.  We agreed that we shared a resemblance. What do you think ?  (Tony is 10 years older than Elder Betteridge).

  

Amble Group Meeting in Masonic Hall

The northern most branch of the church in England, called the Alnwick Branch (home to Harry Potter's castle) has a small group of saints living in a town called Amble.  Though the Alwnick branch meeting house is only 30 minutes away by car from the saints in this town of Amble, most of them do not have cars and the public transportation does not provide practical links from Amble to Alnwick, so they do not attend the normally scheduled Alnwick branch meetings regularly.  As a result, the branch president received permission to start a 'group' in Amble.  They will hold a second Sacrament Meeting in Amble on the third Sunday of every month, renting the local masonic lodge for a couple hours.  It was fun to meet with this small wonderful group of saints for their first group meeting today in the 1874-built Masonic lodge.

  

A light, Castle Ruined, Rocks & Staffs, Visiting Darcy, Encounter w/ a 3rd Cousin, Paisley Beauty, Temple Castle, The Boss

 A Light upon the Hill

This last week we spent time with daughter Brittney and her husband Chris and their two oldest, Alec and Charlie, traveling through some very beautiful countryside.  As we drove through the Lakes District we came to a town called Ulverston that had a lighthouse upon the hill above the city.  We love lighthouses for what they symbolize. 

It is always inspiring to ponder upon the purpose of a lighthouse and its physical light and compare it to the Savior and His spiritual light and think about our responsibility as His disciples to reflect His light into the world around us.  Words of scripture came to our minds spoken by the Lord as he stood upon the mount and taught the people. Said He:

“A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matt. 5:14–16)

We don't live the way we do to be recognized for the sake of pride or recognition but we live the way we do because we love Jesus Christ and want to follow Him.  In an ever darkening world, a true disciple of Christ is substantially noticeable, like a light on a hill;  people around you notice the light of Christ that emanates from you through your goodness-- the way you live, the way you treat others. 

The Moncur Family in Dundee Scotland

We had an opportunity to visit Dundee, Scotland where Heather's Moncur relatives are found.  We discovered several headstones in the Howff graveyard with names of Moncur on them.   One headstone had a whole family listed with dates and their ages. We believe these are ancestors of Heather's maternal parentage.  (Her mother is Evelyn Moncur).

We went on to find the Moncur Castle in Inchture, approximately 16 minutes from Dundee.  This was a small castle built in the 1540 time period but burned down in an accidental fire in 1691.  It was never repaired.

St Giles' Cathedral in Edinburgh - It is Well with My Soul

The St Giles' Cathedral in Edinburgh was founded in 1124.  It has been a working church for over 900 years.  Originally a Catholic church, the 16th century saw it adopt Protestantism and served as reformer John Knox's church up until his death in 1572.  As such, St Giles' is widely considered the mother church of Presbyterianism. 

As we were walking through the church we thought we were hearing angels as a visiting boy's choir from Alabama, USA began singing "It is Well with My Soul"-- such a beautiful setting with amazing music gave us such peace as we listened-- an example of the Lord's love for us is how Alec described it. 

Saint Andrews - Birthplace of Golf

It was an exciting time for us (especially for our golf-lover son-in-law Chris) to visit the Old Course at Saint Andrews, Scotland.  This is where the game of golf was born, amongst shepherds hitting rocks in the fields with their crook staff.  We certainly have come a long way in the development of this game... but maybe rocks and a crook staff might be better for some (Elder Betteridge)! 

A Paisley Wedding

In the Glasgow area, we visited the Paisley Abbey.  This is where Heather's 3rd great grandparents, Mary Jane McDougall and Michael Stuart Hodgert, were married in 1823.  The organ in this church, installed in 1870,  is noted as one of the finest instruments in the UK and is believed to be comparable to the organ at the Notre Dame Cathedral in France. 

Pemberley 

Ahh the beauty of this estate where the filming of the 1995 version of Pride and Prejudice took place with Colin Firth as Darcy.   The filming took place only on the outside of the property, the inside scenes were filmed elsewhere. Beautiful gardens, sprawling lawns and a herd of deer greeted us on the long drive up to this large mansion.  Sadly, Darcy was not in when we visited.

Cheltenham Church and a 3rd Cousin

As we spent a day in the Cotswalds we attended church on Sunday at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints -- Cheltenham congregation.  To our surprise David Betteridge was the Bishop of the congregation and his father, Sean Betteridge, was the Elders Quorum President.  (They use and refer to themselves as 'Betteridges' though they hyphenate their last name Cotton-Betteridge).  Sean is Mont's 3rd cousin; our first common ancestor is William Cotton-Betteridge, a former mayor of Cheltenham. 

The Charm of Tetbury

Just 30 minutes from Cheltenham is the small charming town of Tetbury, another special family history spot for Mont.  This is where the Pasketts, Buckinghams, Popes, Brownings and Manns appear in Mont's family history and where many were laid to rest. As we walked through St Mary's churchyard looking for family gravestones we were greeted with beautiful organ music from this old 1781-built chapel.  A church has been at this site since the 7th century.  We didn't find any family headstones, but did find someone who knew some Buckinghams that still lived in the village and a recommendation for a facebook page called Old Tetbury where discussions are frequent concerning the history of this town and those who lived in it.  

 

Preston England Temple

A refreshing stop at the Preston England inspires us and strengthens our family bonds.  

Meeting Bob and Edna Robson

As we walked the beautiful little road to the Moncur Castle, we came across an older gentlemen in the woods cutting firewood.  He was off the path about 50 feet, sitting upon a log resting.  Elder Betteridge said to himself,  "there is someone who needs a cheery conversation."  He had a Stihl chainsaw at this feet, ahhh even the world's best chainsaw is found in the backwoods of Scotland.  

We began talking of his day and what he was doing.  He turned out to be a retired navy officer who was in the special forces of the British Navy.   He asked us to stop by and see his wife who was at his house at the end of the lane near the brook behind the red telephone booth.  Her name was Edna but he calls her 'snapdragon'.  She was thrilled to have us stop by and say hello.  She invited us in and we heard a bit of her life story.   She talked of not going to church for a long time, then being called by the pastor in the last two weeks and being asked to do a reading of scripture in church.  This was a spiritual awakening for her and she was grateful for this nudging  and now knows she needs to receive more.

She said to us, "I feel that our meeting is not a coincidence.  The Boss (pointing towards the heavens) always puts me where I am meant to be."  She went on to say, "I feel strongly that we are supposed to meet and that you have something to share with me!"  We exchanged cell phone numbers and said we would come back and talk to her some more (this is 3.5 hours from where we live in Newcastle).  We are looking at our schedule now and planning a weekend to visit them again and also connect them with church members and missionaries who live near by who could teach them about the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Lord's hand is in the details of our lives more than we know!

 

Stand Tall, Live Small, Family Connections, Pirates among us?, Choose Marriage, Tale of Aging

Standing as a Witness of Christ

The institute lesson this week was inspiring and focused on the power of testimony.  A testimony is the cumulative impact on our soul of spiritual impressions we have received from God.  It influences the motivation or the spiritual 'why' of how you live and interact with others. One of our favorite quotes in the lesson material came from Elder Neil L. Andersen,  a member of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles, said he:

"With those around us, let us be more open, more willing to talk of Christ.  President Russell M. Nelson said, "True disciples of Jesus Christ are willing to stand out, speak up, and be different from the people of the world."...As the world speaks less of Jesus Christ, let us speak more of Him.  As our true colors as His disciples are revealed, many around us will be prepared to listen.  As we share the light we have received from Him, His light and His transcendent saving power will shine on those willing to open their hearts."

Family, Oh Family

It is difficult to express in words the influence and love of family.  This is a blessing we are so grateful for and hope that someday all will have this blessing, if they do not experience it now.  We live for interactions with family and joy in every moment we can be with them.   

This week we have had Brittney and Chris Archibald (Brittney is our daughter), and their two oldest children, Alec and Charlie, visit with us.  We are having such fun visiting the castles and family history sites around us here in northern England.  

We also met Marie and Mike Bateman (Marie is Mont's sister), and their daughters Hannah and Emily, with Emily's sweet baby, Miriam, in Scarborough and visited Emily Ness's childhood home (Mont's grandmother) and Margaret Ann Coulson's home (Emily's Ness's mother) while in Scarbrough.  We all went to church in Newcastle on Sunday, June 4th and shared a Sunday meal together-- truly delightful times.  

Inspired Discovery

As we were researching where Mont's grandmother's maternal line (surname: Coulson),  were from and where they lived I received an email from FamilySearch.org, it invited me to link to possible relatives who participated in the world's largest genealogical conference, RootsTech.  Not thinking anything would come of it, I clicked on the link and found a 3rd cousin on the Coulson line and surprises of all surprises, he lives right here in Newcastle.  We will be meeting next week, more to come on this.    

Tiny Houses and Tiny Cars

It seems that we have seen a lot of tall people in England, but this week we saw the other end of the spectrum in tiny houses and tiny cars.  

Robin Hoods Bay

We visited Robins Hood Bay a small town on the east coast of England just north of Scarborough-- population 1,200. Mont's 4th great grandparents, Richard Bedlington and Jane Marshall, were born in this little town in 1748 and 1749 respectively.  The town is a fishing village, steeped in history, dating back to the 1500s. 

Why the name Robin Hood's Bay?  Legend has it, Robin Hood encountered French pirates who came to pillage the fisherman's boats and the northeast coast.  The pirates surrendered and Robin Hood returned the loot to the poor people in the village, now called Robin Hood's Bay.  

This is a town that was noted for heavy smuggling activity in the late 1700's and early 1800's in an effort to avoid heavy taxes on imported goods.  We are not saying our ancestors were pirates or involved in this activity but it is an interesting thing to note what was going on in town while they lived there. 

Choose Marriage

We had the unusual privilege in the last few days to visit the chapel where Mont's great grandparents, Margaret Ann Coulson and Benjamin Ness were married (St.  Mary's of Scarborough).  We enjoyed meeting the resident church artist and her artwork.

Also we visited the church where Mont's great, great grandparents were married (St. Hildas of South Shields).  We are grateful that both of these couples chose marriage.  We, their posterity, are the benefactors of their good choices.  Thank you dear ancestors!

Why I Believe Fireside UK Style

We were delighted to sing with 44 missionaries on June 4th, at the Sunderland Stake Center.  Approximately 150 friends and Saints attended the fireside, with many inspirational musical 'items' and testimonies shared from new members.  We love singing with the missionaries -- angels attend when they sing.

What is on the outside does not reflect what is on the inside

A striking analogy emerged this week as we observed the outside of Saint Hilda's church.  It looked old and decrepit on the outside but when we went inside we were stunned at the beauty within.  There is a lesson here, many old people look wrinkled and grey, having lost youthful luster, but on the inside they are a beautiful testament of discipleship and spiritual depth.  Let us all strive to withhold judgement on what we first see on the outside and probe for the beauties within each of us, especially the elderly among us.